That time I was depressed...
Today is my 25th birthday, and just like always it’s just another day to me. I’m very thankful for all my friends and family who have wished me as well as have celebrated with me this week. It’s pretty interesting how different my inner circle of confidants is today from whom it was a year and a half ago. This is the first time I actually had a celebration, but I wasn’t really celebrating my birthday this weekend in Miami with most of my confidants. I was more so celebrating the fact that all the sacrifices and hard work had finally paid off.
On Friday night (04/18/2014) we were celebrating at Liv, a place I never thought I’d have the guts to buy a table at because of how damn expensive it is. But it’s a celebration, and when all your confidants are around just for you, you freakin’ celebrate at Liv because that’s what they deserve for sticking with you through the good and the bad. We were enjoying the night when my bffl Aamir asked me a startling question.
“Do you remember how depressed you were right before you moved?”
There was a slight pause; I thought that no one really knew about the horrible state of mind I was in right before I decided to get the hell out of it. I had completely forgotten about the time where I broke down and had leaned on him for support. It was so out of character for me to do so that I made myself forget it happened.
“I still have the exact texts you sent me during that time,” he continued.
I immediately took his phone and looked through the texts, taking screenshots of them. I started remembering how miserable and defeated I was by the people and environment around me; all those feelings were coming back as if it was yesterday. For the last 18 months he’s the only person who has had exact proof of the lowest point in my life.
So today on my 25th birthday I decided that I’m going to show some of these texts to the world.
Why?
Because I know that there are people out there who are just as scared and embarrassed as I was to admit that they are trapped, or depressed, or stuck in a bubble. We put on a smile for the rest of the world, but we don’t let them see inside what eats away at our heart and soul. We’re scared of what they might think of us if we slip up and show weakness so we keep it in. We feel like that there is no solution, that we can’t pull ourselves out of this shit hole that we’re in.
I’m here to tell you that you can. I’m here to tell you that I have. I’m showing you all this to prove to you that you too can pull yourself out as I did.
Here is the hell I was going through (I’m the white bubble):
There it is. The point in my life where I was truly depressed has been exposed for the world to see. Remember this was after Blue Track Media and after it was successful, so I can safely say that money/success isn’t what makes me happy. It was everything that I had experienced in my life + was experiencing that was keeping me down. The question now remains, how did I pull myself out?
Well, take a look around this blog. Take a look at my ramblings and rants. They show exactly how I got out of this mess. Time and time I keep telling people that you need to let go of anyone or anything in life that’s holding you down. All those negative vibes you get from people you think are your “friends,” let them go. You don’t need their bullshit in your life. Deactivate facebook and unfollow people in twitter who you don’t add any type of value to your life. You are tired of your city and want to run away? Do it. Move away. The world is waiting for you with a list of interesting places and people. Change your life. Change your habits. Work out every single day. Eat right. Surround yourself with motivators and people who have actual dreams and goals. You are exactly who you surround yourself with.
That’s seriously how I got myself out depression. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I’m completely healed. But what I can confidently say is that right now at this point in my life I’m happy (cue over played Pharrell song). I’m doing what I love. I’m helping people as much as I can. I’m spending a lot more time with family and friends.
I don’t know how many people this post will help, but I hope that it helps at least one person. I’m perfectly okay putting all this out there because this it the type of shit that most people don’t talk about. This is the type of shit that all types of people go through, not just entrepreneurs. However it will always serve as a reminder to me about the state of mind I was in and how I chose to pull myself out of it. I didn’t rely on anyone or anything. This was my problem and I was the only one that could solve it. You too can solve it if you choose to. It just takes some courage to make these tough decisions in your life at first, but they somehow seem to pay off ten folds in the end.
I hope all of you have an Aamir (or many Aamirs) in your life that will always listen and support you in every moment of your life. If you don’t, contact me. I’ll be your Aamir.
Thank you Aamir.
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