Pressure

It’s piling up. I’ve been feeling it a lot lately. Whether it’s commitments to my partners, investors, family or friends. I’ve just over-committed to what I can do and how reliable I can be to do it in a timely manner. Let me be clear, it’s not that I can’t be relied upon to do everything that is expected of me. It’s the fact that I’ve taken on a lot more than I can handle in a 24-hour time period.

Why the hell are there 24 hours in a day and not 36? Why the hell do humans need a minimum of 8 hours of sleep and not less? I mean shit I need 10-12 if I’m being honest. Why the hell couldn’t be a legitimate way to get in shape and build muscle besides working out which takes a lot of time and energy? Does it look like I can make some damn time to work out right now?

Okay, cool.

It’s not like me to blame the world. But a lot of other people do it… so why can’t I? Is there a reason I think I’m the “chosen one” who can work 3 positions and still manage to be able to dunk a basketball like I’m 16 years old again? Let me be normal. Normal is good. Normal means happiness. Happiness means a long healthy life.

What’s annoying is that I value my word so much that I will destroy myself to make sure I don’t go against it. If I tell you I’ll do something, I do it. It doesn’t matter what obstacles come in my way, if I told you I’ll do something you bet your ass it’ll be done. In fact, you don’t even have to tell me what you expect out of me, I already know. I’ve self-appointed myself as the one person in your life that you know you can count on no matter what because there are way too many people in the world today that you can’t count on. That’s just the way I work. And that’s exactly what’s destroying me day by day.

“I can’t.”

I need to learn how to say those two words. But that’s not like me though. There’s nothing I don’t believe I can’t do. My ego is too proud to believe that I’m too mentally exhausted and maxed out to not be able to do something I want or should do. “I’ll just figure it out somehow.” Yeah that seems to be working, huh genius?

The worst part? This pressure is self-inflicted. No one around me is pressuring me. It’s all coming from inside my convoluted mind. But that’s the thing. No one around me is pressuring me because they know. They know that they don’t need to. They know that I’ve already got it covered for them. And I want to punch myself for giving them that much confidence in me.

Do I sound like I’m all over the map? Yeah? Shut up.

Welcome to the front seat of the growth phase of 2 companies, 1 VC fund mixed with the ego to still be the best basketball player in friend circle along with the responsibilities of maintaining old relationships while creating new ones.

Today the roller-coaster is heading straight down. Tomorrow I’ll be back on top of the world and ready to save it. I have no choice, it’s counting on me. Or at least I have such a huge ego that I’ve put enough pressure on myself to think it is.

by the way…

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I thrive under pressure.
bring it, amigo.